Despite person-centred approaches increasingly focusing on looking at the person in dementia instead of the pathology, the role of gender in dementia has been little explored. This article discusses how pervasive discourses on a loss of self and dementia as abject are interwoven with a de-gendering of persons with dementia. The cultural anxiety that dementia evokes in terms of loss of bodily and cognitive control could also be linked to a failure to normatively and intelligibly express gender when living with dementia. As a way to sustain personhood for people with dementia and challenge discourses on people with dementia as ‘non-people’, person-centred approaches have emphasised the collaborative work of carers, relatives and persons with dementia. Often implicitly, this also involves a ‘re-gendering’ of persons with dementia where gendered biographies and pasts are upheld and gendered embodied selfhood is maintained through, for example, dress, hair and other aspects of appearance. This re-gendering could be of great significance for people with dementia to become intelligible as persons. Still, dementia studies must further consider non-normative expressions of gender and involve feminist theorising on gender as a power asymmetry since some embodiments and selves are more likely to be sustained in dementia than others.

New sexual scripts on later life are emerging, discourses on “sexy oldies” challenge pervasive discourses on asexual old age. Still, sexuality among people with dementia, who are generally older, is rarely affirmed. Research on sexuality and dementia is, moreover, dominated by biomedical accounts that regard sexual and intimate behaviours as expressions of pathology. However, sexuality and intimacy could be significant aspects of later life, also when living with dementia. This qualitative study explores experiences of sexuality and intimacy among heterosexual couples where one partner was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Interviews were conducted with seven couples, aged 55–87, and both the person with the dementia diagnosis and their partner participated. The findings point to a diversity of experiences, with differences between the older and younger couples. The older couples experienced changes more as a result of embodied ageing, and sexuality and intimacy were experienced as sources of pleasure, comfort and recognition. The younger couples understood changes more as caused by Alzheimer’s disease and experienced a greater loss of intimacy and desire. The study shows how experiences of sexuality and intimacy when living with dementia are shaped by varying sexual scripts and expectations of health in different parts of the life course.