In this essay, I interview six users from the website darkside.se, which is an internet community for BDSM practitioners. I’m using Judith Butlers theorys about performativity and heteronormativity, Gayle Rubins model the charmed circle; of which sexualities is regarded as approved and which is not, and Fanny Ambjörnssons explenation of queer theory. With the interviews as my material, I investigate how sex and gender is produced and used in BDSM and at Darkside. I discuss trans, heteronormativity, sexism and hierarchies of power related to sex and gender, in BDSM and at Darkside. I discover that most of my informants is experiencing different kinds of trouble or anxiety concerning their sexual practices in relation to sex and gender, and I examine which different strategies my informants are using to handle this complexes of problems.