This text is a story from a newly born mother and academic. A text that I struggled to write due to new material and emotional conditions. Motherhood and academic precarity. It includes field stories that the old me left behind unwritten. Autoethnographic enquiries into past work-life realities. Oilfield realities, capitalist realities. Stories about exploitation that at one point in time filled my whole being with sadness and anger. Now my emotions about children coughing due to oilfield gases are distorted by tiny plastic trucks lining up in my hallway. I wrote this text in fractions during walks in the forest. Keeping the baby asleep through gentle movements and cold air. Trying to capture the fluttering of a field so far away.